Newsletter 9: Bravery is overrated.
IN THIS NEWSLETTER…
That time I refused to just ‘put my big girl pants on’.
A multi-media guide to fizzling those fears.
2 ways we can work together in 2023!
BRAVERY IS OVERRATED
Last Monday morning, I sat down at my desk to take a look at the week ahead. As usual, I started capturing my goals and priorities, and I scanned my calendar to remind myself of the appointments and commitments I’d previously made. I was happily plodding along in this familiar exercise, until my eyes hit Wednesday morning. My stomach dropped just little bit as I read a block on my calendar entitled: Podcast Interview.
I’d committed to this weeks earlier and part of me was really excited. It had been a while since I’d shared my thoughts and expertise in this format and I’d found it to be really fun and effective in the past. In this moment though, a bigger part of me was anxious. This nervy feeling started in my gut and quickly travelled to my brain. I thought: “It HAS been a while. I’m totally out of practice. How did I let it go this long? Ugh, I’m going to be so rusty!”
Then, my very first reflex came online: “Come on, Joy. Put your big girl pants on. Just fake it til you make it! This is silly. You’ve done this before. Do the work to prepare and you’ll be fine. Just DO it!” In summary, I was telling myself:
I can be brave.
I can work (really) hard when I want to.
I can MAKE this a success, or at least make the best of it.
Deep breath, exhale and…. I noticed…um yeah, I don’t really feel any better. This ‘pep’ talk had done little-to-nothing for that nervy, sickly feeling in my stomach. In fact, maybe it was worse?!
I felt into that for a minute and a question came into my mind:
What if there was another way? What would that look like?
And then, that excited part of me chimed back in with: Less prep, more presence.
This was a guiding principle and one of my favourite learnings in my work with storytelling expert Hillary Rea. The phrase captures a way of operating that goes against pretty much everything I’d ever learned in school and the early years of my career about performing well . And at the same time, it speaks a truth that is much closer to my heart than the Control All The Things Strategy (CATTS) that I can still revert to on occasion, especially when I’m trying to protect myself.
I repeated: Less prep, more presence.
I felt my body relax, just 1%. And so I leaned into THAT.
Okay, so practically, what would ‘less prep, more presence’ look like in this case?
From there, I rummaged into my trusty coaching toolbox and pulled out the strategies which I sensed could help me to do three things:
Name the specific fears I had around this interview.
Get clear on my goal and measures of success for this interview.
THEN decide how I wanted to (practically) prepare for it.
I had my plan, and it didn’t involve simply pretending I wasn’t scared OR preparing for hours on end as a way to shove that fear down. I felt my body relax another 10%.
As I carried out my plan, my fears lost their power. Another 10%. I refocused on my true goal of showing up fully, owning my expertise and experiences and having fun. Another 10%. I even reframed that goal to make this experience about learning about what works/doesn’t in terms of interview prep. My measures of success became:
I showed up fully, owned my expertise and had fun.
I learned something new about preparing for interviews/podcasts.
I didn’t die. (It’s always helpful to playfully remind the fear centre of my brain that the stakes are ACTUALLY not that high.)
Another 10%.
With all of this in mind, I decided that my actual prep would simply be to:
Review some of the stories I like to use to illustrate some my points of view and expertise on the topic area we would be discussing; and
Block off 10 minutes directly prior to the interview to ground myself and regulate my nervous system so that I could bring my full energy to the conversation.
I carried out that plan and on Wednesday morning, as I completed my pre-interview grounding exercises, I felt the rest of me relax. I logged on, feeling grounded and excited at the same time - essentially, I was ready to have some fun.
Pre-Interview Vibes
The result? I was actually IN the conversation rather than worrying about what I sounded like. I never once pretended to be someone I wasn’t or know something I didn’t. It felt easy and natural.
Was it ‘perfect’? Nope. Well, not in the traditional sense anyway. I said ‘um’ and I tripped on my words, and my voice went croaky a couple of times and afterwards, I thought of things I could have said more eloquently.
But was a it a success? Well, let’s see:
Did I show up fully, own my expertise and have fun? ✅ ✅ ✅
Did I learn something new about preparing for interviews? Yep, loads actually! And I can’t wait to test out some new ideas next time! ✅
Did I die? Nope! ✅ 😅
Being brave is feeling fear and then doing it anyway. Don’t get me wrong, that strategy has its place, and I can’t deny that there can be a thrill and a pride in doing life and work this way. But on the whole, I’m discovering that bravery is way overrated. It’s a lot of WORK. It’s inherently HARD. All that hard work can be really time consuming. And when deployed too often, it’s physically and mentally exhausting.
Fearlessness, on the other hand, feels easy and fun and true. When I choose to take steps toward it - like I did in this case - I feel like I’m being fully present for what matters most to me. And for all of those reasons - feel free to hold me to this - I'm committed to making this choice more and more often.
CURIOSITY PROMPTS
Our bravery instinct gets activated in lots of different scenarios. Maybe its triggered by general uncertainty in your career at the moment. Or it might be a specific event/task like a job interview, updating your CV, preparing for a presentation or even a first date! Or maybe you feel that instinct to push through the fear when you are feeling the Sunday Blues.
My go-to tool for any of these fearful situations is my ‘Fear Flow’. It’s a series of questions that help me to get crystal clear on what EXACTLY it is I’m afraid of and what next step I want to take. I’ll walk you through an example of how I use it here:
STILL CURIOUS? (Bonus Content)
Of course, the bonus content for this newsletter is the podcast interview that served as inspiration for it! Listen in here as powerhouse Ceylan Boyce refers to me as a witch (I dig it!) and we unpack the realities of, and alternatives to, comparative thinking.
WORK WITH ME
1:1 Coaching - If you have a sneaking suspicion that there’s something more out there for you and your career, and are trying to be brave in the face of that uncertainty, let’s chat. We’ll get curious about what you truly want and how you might embrace a bit more fearlessness as you go after it.
Speaking - I am actively booking (IRL and virtual) speaking engagements for 2023. If you are looking for empowering content for an upcoming event, please don’t hesitate to get in touch.
In all curiousness,
Joy
P.S. If/when the spirit ever moves you or you have questions - always feel free to get in touch and let me know what’s coming up for you!
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