Newsletter 10: What excites you most?
IN THIS NEWSLETTER…
A reminder that a good question is only the start.
A fresh perspective on ambition.
Not feeling particularly excited? Tools to help you get there.
WHAT ARE YOU MOST EXCITED ABOUT?
Those of you who have been here a while know that I’m not a huge fan of small talk. Connection is a core value of mine and so I tend to favour conversations that forge meaningful connections. I prefer ‘big talk’, if you will. And I’ve learned that transforming small talk into big talk is simply a job of having the courage to ask more meaningful questions and then really listening to what comes back.
With this in mind, as the new year rolled around, I decided to lean into a specific question: What are you most excited about in 2023? I imagined myself reconnecting with business contacts/friends/acquaintances, and through this question, gleaning insights on what is truly most important to the folks I was in conversation with. I was excited to see them light up as those dreams and milestones cycled through their minds. And to potentially uncover new synergies - meaningful connection points - that maybe we were previously unaware of.
So I started asking away - in zoom business meetings, over a glass of wine at a cocktail party, on walks with friends - you name it. The responses the question garnered however, were curious to me. Almost without exception, my question was met with one or more of the following:
Confusion. Often in the form of repeating the question back to me to make sure they heard it correctly.
A mention of something they WEREN’T excited about at all.
A reference to a holiday that was being planned and then quickly changing the subject.
I found these responses perplexing…even disappointing, as they didn’t seem to offer an obvious jumping off point for nurturing the meaningful connections I’d hoped for. The question wasn’t ‘working’ the way I wanted it to. That is, until yesterday.
The last time Kate and I spoke was about 6 months ago when we wrapped up our ~5-month coaching engagement. At that time, she was firmly entrenched as a high-performing senior leader for a very well-known tech giant. We had covered a lot of ground in our sessions. The pressures of a demanding job, challenging work relationships and neglected personal priorities were all (understandably) starting to take their toll, so Kate was motivated to dig in. She showed up to every session full of intention and focus. And in our last zoom call, Kate radiated through the screen. I could see that she was clear in her vision for her life, confident in her leadership style, trusting of her intuition, and deeply committed to keeping the boundaries she knew would fuel her success and keep her feeling fulfilled. So when she reached out for a catch-up, hinting at some changes that she’d since made, I was super curious to get the full update.
Upon spotting her in the crowded cafe and sharing squeals and hugs of delight to see each other - especially as we were finally in person after months of zoom calls(!) - we wasted no time diving into a proper catch up.
I leaned in over my latte as Kate gave me the download, and I learned that in December - despite the tricky business climate in the tech industry right now, and not knowing what would come next - she had resigned from her job. She’d identified that she was in a work environment that she had outgrown - that it was no longer aligned to her priorities and values and so - ‘it was pretty obvious’ as she put it - a change was needed. What’s more though, since I had last spoken with her, she had ALSO doubled down on her health, refocused on her relationships and even reignited a hobby she was passionate about. Just in the last month, she had attracted five job offers and accepted one that felt completely aligned to what’s most important to her at this stage of her life and career. Finally, she’d kicked off a 6-week sabbatical, which she was filling with travel and projects and catching up with people she missed - hence our coffee!
‘Well ALLRIGHTY, then!! So you haven’t been very busy at all, then!?’, I joked. We laughed and celebrated, reminiscing about where our conversation had started and where she was now - less than a year later. I was in awe, not just of Kate’s changes, but the growth and lightness I was witnessing before me. So much so, that I was at a bit of a loss for words. And then, THE question popped into my head.
‘Okay, seriously though. With all of these changes you’ve implemented, I’m SUPER curious - what are you MOST excited about for the year ahead?’
Kate paused, and something told me to listen very closely to her answer.
She said, ‘Your right, there have been a lot of changes. But one thing that hasn’t changed is that I’m still ambitious. What’s shifted is that I’m no longer ONLY ambitious about work. Now, I’m ambitious about my whole life. And I guess I’m most excited to see what that shift brings.’
I got chills. The ones that trickle down my back and make me know that I’m alive. I felt the prick of joyful tears at the back of my eyes - which has always been a sign that I’ve stumbled on something so True (with a capital T) that it cannot be denied as meaningful.
Once I picked my jaw up off the floor, I had to ask; ‘And looking back, what do you think you did or learned that helped you to make this monumental shift?’
Kate shared that the single most important decision she took was to create the space and time she needed to get clear on what was truly most important to her, so that she could become aware of all of the choices available to her. She explained that the first step towards that for her was investing her time and focus in our coaching engagement. She was quick to give me credit for this, and I was quick to give credit to the process and to HER for showing up fully to it. I told her; ‘The simplicity of a coaching partnership never ceases to blow my mind. I hold an unbiased and deeply curious space. You show up fully to that space. EVERYTHING changes.’
Since that epic catch-up, I’ve realised that it wasn’t that my ‘big talk’ question wasn’t ‘working’ in the previous scenarios. If I’d really been listening to those responses - holding that unbiased and curious space in those everyday conversations - I just might have heard people telling me that they simply hadn’t explored what was MOST important or energising to them in quite a while. Or maybe that they weren’t yet ready to share what they truly want most out of this year.
In other words, a meaningful connection can certainly be sparked by a thoughtful question. But whether or not that spark will kindle and glow depends on the space we hold for whatever answer comes in response.
CURIOSITY PROMPTS
If you aren’t getting tingly chills whilst answering the question in the title of this newsletter (but you wish you were!), the following questions around success and ambition might help you explore how to move closer towards that feeling. Get out a journal and don’t forget to hold space for whatever comes back! 🙂(After all, my Curiosity Prompts are really just opportunities to form meaningful connections with yourself.)
Who defines what constitutes success & failure in your life?
What makes you feel fulfilled or energised?
What do you define as success?
Where are you ambitious?
Where might you like to be more or less ambitious?
STILL CURIOUS? (Bonus Content)
You might find answering these questions quite difficult if you are in a fearful state of mind. That’s because being in fight or flight mode causes us to narrow our line of sight, which means we can’t see what’s in the periphery. Try out the following exercise designed to regulate your nervous system by playing with your peripheral vision, and see if that helps to tap into some insightful answers.
WORK WITH ME
1-to-1 Coaching: If you could use some help in holding an unbiased and curious space to get clear on your next chapter, let’s chat!
Speaking: Also, FYI I will be speaking on May 9th at the Women in Tech Global Conference, on the topic of ‘Creating the Opportunities of your Dreams’. More info and tickets to the conference can be found HERE. I still have some speaking availability in Q2, so if you are looking for empowering content for an upcoming event, please don’t hesitate to get in touch.
In all curiousness,
Joy
P.S. If/when the spirit ever moves you or you have questions - always feel free to get in touch and let me know what’s coming up for you!
P.P.S. Know someone who would enjoy reading this newsletter? Feel free to share!
P.P.P.S. Pointed to this newsletter by a friend and want more? You can subscribe to the newsletter HERE.