Newsletter 7: Trust Issues
‘Catch me up! It’s been ages!’
I’d just logged into a Zoom call with Jane - a friend who I used to bump into professionally quite often, but I hadn’t spoken with her in a few years. We’d always shared an easy energy with each other though, so it was one of those conversations where it felt like no time had passed.
‘Okay,’ I said, ‘I’ll go quick because I want to hear all about YOU! Right… so I was still at Facebook when we last spoke?! Okay, so I left in 2019, I took some time off, and then…’
Jane stopped me. ‘WAIT! Wait wait wait. Why? Why did you leave? It seemed like everything was going so well!’
I had to laugh at myself. I often gloss over that bit of my story. Because that chapter of my life/career hadn’t exactly been filled with hearts and rainbows. And because I'd rather remember the MANY great bits of my time there. But Jane has that ‘Let’s be real’ kind of energy that I love, so I let it rip.
I told her how over the course of the 7 years I’d been there, it felt like the company changed, and so had I. Like a relationship that had run its course, we’d grown apart. And like most break-ups, it wasn't fun coming to the decision. Most disappointing for me at the time was the fact that I was having difficulty personally connecting to the purpose of the company that I’d originally joined. Also, I’d come to feel suffocated by the bureaucracy that came with a huge company (MUCH bigger than the one I'd joined). And then there was the fact that for the first time in my career, I was really not vibing with my manager.
I told her, ‘The upshot is that one day I realised that I was feeling sad and angry about my job pretty much every day. So after quite a while, and lots of attempts to make it work, I decided life was too short to feel that way everyday. I was fortunate to have some savings, so even though I didn’t know exactly what I’d do next - and that was TERRIFYING - I decided to leave.’
Jane was leaning forward, eyes wide. Something about my story was connecting with her deeply, so I carried on.
‘Yeah, ‘scared’ actually doesn’t begin to cover how I felt. I realised - to my dismay - that I wasn’t just leaving a job, I was leaving an identity. And the only emotion that could match the fear and sadness I had was how ANGRY I felt. While it had technically been my choice to leave, at the time it felt like I had no choice. I resented ‘being put in the position' to have to choose to leave. The company SHOULD have been what I wanted it to be. My manager SHOULD have operated in the way I wanted. I SHOULD have been able to find a different role that suited me. But none of those were the case, it felt unfair, and I was BITTER about it.
I went on to describe how after I left, I took some time to restore some space, order and fun to my life and my family. I shared how while I looked for what would come next, I also went on a self-discovery journey, including getting clear on my values and dampening that voice that was telling me that 'the real me' wasn’t good enough to do what I truly wanted. And because I left when I did, I was able to do a lot of this pre-Covid. I told her about how I went on to make some bold moves, including starting up not one, but TWO businesses during the global pandemic (also not a time I'd describe as entirely filled with sunshine and unicorns). And how ultimately, all of that led me to find my passion. (You guessed it: working 1-on-1 with leaders to help them be fearless in the face of big change and opportunity!)
I laughed, ‘I can see NOW how everything was working in my favour, but I held on to that sad, angry entitlement for a loooong time. Ha, yeah… I might do it differently next time!’
Jane and I went on to talk about ALL the things, and to promise not to let years pass before our paths crossed again. After I logged off that Zoom call, I found myself reflecting on how much pure, unadulterated gratitude I now have for a set of circumstances that had once had me feeling ALL the angst and bitterness and confusion. I’m not just OKAY with all the uncomfortable reasons that caused me to leave when I did, I am freaking relieved that it played out that way. And as those thoughts tumbled in my head, I felt a deep sense of TRUST. A trust in ‘the process’, and in myself.
When I eventually snapped out of my deep thoughts, I looked at my calendar and my to-do list and decided to knuckle down on a work challenge that I’d been wrestling with. It's an element of my coaching practice that has just been WAY more difficult for me than I anticipated. (Yeah, this just in - just because you find work that you are passionate about doesn’t mean there isn’t hard stuff!) As I contemplated the conundrum in front of me for the millionth time, I started to get that flutter in my stomach that comes when I feel out of my depth (a.k.a. fear, quickly followed by sadness) and I felt deeply annoyed that this was so hard (a.k.a. anger).
Then, I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and leaned into that sense of TRUST I’d just felt. I asked myself what lesson I’d learned from the hard experience that I'd just shared that I might want to use in this situation. I came up with two:
💥 I can TRUST. That everything is always working out. That even when it's hard, I am exactly where I am supposed to be. And that I am fully capable of doing hard things.
💥 Even in a situation where it feels like I don’t have much choice - that I am at the affect of my circumstances - I DO get to choose my perspective. Always.
While the full plan for how I will make the hard bits of this work easier remains a bit of a mystery to me, the next steps I want to take have become clear. And sometimes, that’s all you need.
CURIOSITY PROMPTS
Next time you are navigating a season of change, growth or a daunting opportunity, grab a journal or a friend to explore these questions and just observe what comes up:
When have you had to navigate a similar situation in the past and done so successfully? (Not EXACT same situation, similar.)
What specifically about YOU made it work? (qualities, skills, traits, etc.)
How can you use those attributes to achieve this goal?
What might TRUST look like in this situation?
WORK WITH ME
I work 1-on-1 with leaders who want to find more joy, meaning and success in the next chapter of life and work. If this sounds like you, email me or book a Coaching Curiosity Call so we can figure out if we’d be a good fit.
Full Disclosure: On January 1, 2023, the investment required for a coaching engagement with me will increase by £500 (as compared to 2022 pricing). Engagements confirmed in 2022 will honour 2022 pricing (even if they don’t start until 2023).
Also, if you have been impacted by the recent layoffs and financial constraints have you hesitating in getting help to clarify what the next chapter looks like and how to get there - drop me a line. I have a specific solution and reduced pricing in place for you.
Book a 45min Coaching Curiosity Call with me to find out if we might be a good fit.
In all curiousness,
Joy
P.S. If/when the spirit ever moves you - always feel free to get in touch let me know what’s coming up for you!
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