Newsletter 4: Why didn’t I do this sooner?
For most of my adult working life, my schedule looked something like this:
Get up in time to get ready and get to work on time. (Including check emails, get a handle on the day.)
Work all day.
Break for a meal (maybe).
Check emails, any last calls of the day, generally ‘clear the decks’ for the next day.
Sleep and repeat.
Now, don’t worry too much about ‘Old Joy’ - I wove in PLENTY of fun and I have a LOT of fond memories from my 15 years of operating this way. And perhaps one of the reasons it carried on that long was that it really worked. There was a certain buzzy energy this schedule created and my career thrived off that energy.
Then, two major changes happened simultaneously in 2016. 1) I was promoted into a role where I would be managing a global team. 2) I had a baby. When I returned from mat leave, the plan (or lack thereof) was to slide (roughly) into the same schedule, but I quickly found that due to my two new roles, certain modifications were automatically being made to my old routine:
Get up in time to get myself and the baby ready (including check emails, get a handle on the day) and get to work on time.
Work all day, with 95% of it spent in meetings.
Break for a meal/time with my family.
Check emails, take calls, do my actual work, generally ‘clear the decks’ for the next day (with 95% of my daytime spent in meetings, this part of my day took a LOT longer than it previously did)
Sleep (a lot less than before) and repeat
I love my sleep, so it didn’t take long before I morphed into an incoherent, emotional zombie. And after about 2 weeks, it was clear to me (and probably everyone around me) that my old approach was not going to work. And I’ll admit that I had LOTS of emotions and catastrophising around this realisation.
Angry Joy: WTF?! So you are saying I CAN’T have it all?!
Sad/Victim Joy: Obviously I can’t hack it the way that other people can.
Settling Joy: It’s FINE. I’ll just put my career ambitions on the back burner for a while. It’s FINE.
I ‘gave up’ and instituted some new ways of working for myself:
I would maintain a strict start and end time to my day by blocking out my calendar before and after said times. Meetings/calls outside of my primary working hours would become the exception, not the rule.
I blocked off a minimum of 2 hours each day in which I would not accept meetings and could get actual work done.
I implemented these ‘radical’ changes into my calendar and awaited the fallout. I imagined apologetic conversations with my team members and clients about my lack of availability. I braced myself for the inevitable awkward meeting with my manager where I would probably cry while I defended my need to make these changes. Would I need to change jobs? Would this be the end of my high-powered career?!
Weeks and months passed. NOTHING HAPPENED.
To be precise - exactly zero people noticed the shift in my schedule. What DID happen was that I got a lot more sleep. To put an even finer point on it, I created SPACE to generate more energy. First through sleep, but then the energy I gained there fuelled other activities like time with my family/friends, exercising, reading interesting non-worky things, etc. And the energy I gained there - it fuelled even BETTER performance and enjoyment at work than before.
I was left with just one question - Why didn’t I do this sooner?!
And that question is a funny one - I’ve learned from experience that it’s not actually regret - it’s a reliable signal to sit up and pay attention. There’s almost always an important lesson to be had when I find myself asking that one. This time, the realisation was that going forward, in order to create shifts in my boundaries, I first need to create a shift in my thinking about boundaries. And THAT shift looked like this:
OLD JOY: Boundaries = RESTRICTION of my capacity to be productive.
NEW JOY: Boundaries = SPACE in which I can generate energy that EXPANDS my capacity to be productive and creative.
Friends, the reason why this topic is on my mind right now is that I’m seeing this everywhere and I’m so inspired by it. I see leaders I admire implementing ‘No Meeting Fridays’ in service of creating that space for themselves and their teams. I see clients unapologetically taking their boundaries into consideration as part of their search for a new role. And as the world opens up and business travel resumes, I see just about everyone testing and learning around which boundaries will bring their work in closest alignment with their values and vision for their lives.
If the above trend doesn’t currently describe you but you’d like it to, read on.
CURIOSITY PROMPTS:
Consider this an invitation to explore re-jigging your boundaries to suit your evolving life/work circumstances and values. As always, HOW you go about asking these questions is totally up to you. Journal it out. Go for a long contemplative walk. Discuss with a friend over a beverage. Just create the space and see what comes up!
What recent shifts in circumstances (work, relationships, changing passion areas, new opportunities, etc.) have occurred that might inspire you to revisit your boundaries?
What boundaries need to be honoured in order for you to do your BEST work?
What might be possible if you freed up more SPACE and ENERGY in your work/life? (Let your imagination run WILD here!)
What current beliefs might be holding you back from experimenting with your boundaries?
STILL CURIOUS? (Bonus Content)
When speaking to clients about setting boundaries, invariably the first pushback that the fear centre of their brain comes up with is some version of: ‘I don’t want to let X down.’ Enter: The Disease to Please. To quote the chapter dedicated to this topic in Sally Helgesen & Marshall Goldsmith’s book, ‘How Women Rise’:
“To retain any serenity… you need to think long and carefully about your priorities. Not what would please others, not what would make everyone think you’re the most wonderful person they’ve ever worked with or met, but what you in your heart want to be and achieve in your life.”
The whole chapter (indeed the whole book) is worth a read if this blocker is rearing its ugly head as you look at re-jigging YOUR priorities and boundaries.
WORK WITH ME
Are you ready to explore some big questions but not sure where to start? Learn more about what it means to partner with me through a coaching engagement. Ready to find out if we are a good fit? Book a Curiosity Call with yours truly.
In all curiousness,
Joy
P.S. If/when the spirit ever moves you - always feel free to hit reply on this newsletter and let me know what’s coming up for you!
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