Newsletter 12: A question with impeccable timing.
IN THIS NEWSLETTER…
The power of an ordinary question with impeccable timing.
An interactive newsletter experiment.
An opportunity to enjoy the summer knowing that your back-to-school season has a super-charged plan.
A QUESTION WITH IMPECCABLE TIMING
I was having one of those nervy weeks. Lots of stuff was happening in business and family and holidays and health and friends and, and, and. I had a buzzy (bordering on frenetic) feeling in my head and heart, reminding me that ALL of it was important to me and that I didn’t want to let any of the balls drop.
One of those balls was that I was meeting face to face with a new friend and potential client, T, for the first time. We had immediately clicked when we met virtually months ago and I was so looking forward to getting to know her better. Knowing that I had a lot on my mind, I grounded myself with my favourite nervous system regulation tools, and found myself ready to be fully present for what I knew would be a fun and meaningful conversation.
After greeting each other with hugs and laughter, T and I jumped right in. We started to reflect on how we came to know each other several months ago and T shared a part of the story that I wasn’t yet aware of.
T: You know what, thinking back, it was a conversation I had with my old boss. She is awesome and I learned so much from her. And as I was about to leave the company for my new job, she asked me, ‘So, what are you doing to set yourself up for success?’
Joy: (Feeling a gut tingle and leaning forward.) Oooooh, that’s a GREAT question. She sounds like a great leader.
<T went on to explain that this is where she had the idea to think about working with a coach and how a Linked In search took her to me and then to this very newsletter. The rest, as they say, is history.>
Our conversation carried on with all the fun and meaning I had anticipated. But as really good questions tend to do, this one got me thinking. Days after our conversation, I found the question still bouncing around in my head.
Now, I’ll acknowledge that this question of what we are doing to set ourselves up for success is not the most original question in the world. We’ve all heard it before. But sometimes it isn’t about cleverness or originality. Sometimes a question comes around exactly when you need it. Sometimes, often actually, it’s about timing. And apparently, this was exactly when I was supposed to receive this question.
And so I asked the question of myself: What am I doing to set myself up for success? Cue the inner dialogue…
…Deafening silence.
…Shit. I am a coach, I should really have an answer to this. It should be rolling off my tongue!
…Slow your roll, Joy. You are feeling anxious. That’s totally allowed. (A few deep breaths to ground and regulate.) See? You are safe.
…Right. So let’s break this down. What is ‘success’ anyway?
I’d done a lot of intentional thinking about this not too long ago. And I’d settled on a personal definition that felt powerful and True. But it had been the kind of week where that definition, that north star, had slipped out of my sightline. It wasn’t hard to bring it back into focus though - I did have it on a post-it note right in front of me, after all!
Hidden in plain sight. 🤪
…Ah. There you are. And I immediately relaxed as I remembered that I could have success RIGHT NOW if I wanted it.
…Okay Joy, so back to the original question. What am I doing to set myself up to be fully present as often as possible? And this is what I scribbled in my journal:
I’m working with my coach.
I’m practising the art of allowing my emotions without judgement or trying to fix them.
I’m using and expanding my toolbox for regulating my nervous system.
I immediately notice my body going from an 8 out of 10 on the nervy/anxiety scale to maybe a 4. ‘Re-knowing’ my definition of success and realising that I have some solid go-to’s for focusing on it felt… empowering to say the least. Not least of all because I realised that the next time I’m feeling nervy - like when I’m about to hit send on this newsletter for instance (happens every time, thankfully much less intense than it used to be!) - I’ll know just what to do.
CURIOSITY PROMPTS
Our definitions of success and how we want to set ourselves up for it evolve constantly. So it’s worth revisiting these often. Here are a few prompts to help you do that. Feel free to sit down with a journal, take one out on a walk or talk them out with a friend.
What is your personal definition of success?
What are you doing to set yourself up for that kind of success?
How well is what you are currently doing working for you?
If you had to stop doing one of these actions, which would you pick?
If you wanted to add just one new action, what would it be?
Public Service Announcement: This is not about creating a laundry list of all the things you need to do! This is about grounding yourself in what’s most important to you and the tools at your disposal that you want to use to make it a reality.
STILL CURIOUS? (BONUS CONTENT)
After I drafted this newsletter, I became super curious how others thought about this question, and reached out to some loyal readers for their thoughts on ‘setting up for success’. Their answers of course did not disappoint. I’m share some snippets/paraphrasing of some of those for inspiration here:
Getting clear and reminding myself what professional and whole life success really means to me. (As if she already read the newsletter!) 😄
Articulating and asking for what I want. 💪👏
Exercising and remembering that success always comes from trying something new! 🤩
Remembering ‘Pebbles and Rocks’. Pebbles = small, peripheral items on the to-do list. Rock = heavy, intense circumstances/opportunities/challenges. I like to practise batching (or better yet, letting go of) pebbles, especially when in a season of heavy rocks. 🪨 🪨
A morning routine that gives me time to myself before I see anyone else! 🌅
Setting boundaries to protect time with the people I love. 💜
Thank you so much to everyone who chimed in! And BTW, if you are up for making this newsletter a bit more interactive and would like to be part of future crowd-sourcing experiments, just hit reply to this newsletter with the words: “I’m in!”
WORK WITH ME
If you are thinking about what ‘success’ in the next bold chapter could look like and curious about what it would be like to have a partner on the journey to clarity and confidence on that topic, let’s chat. While my 1-to-1 coaching programme is currently full, if we both feel we are a good fit, we can make a plan to capitalise on those back-to-school vibes and kick-off in August or September. (And we can of course align on what you want to focus on and play with in the meantime. 🤓)
In all curiousness,
Joy
P.S. If/when the spirit ever moves you or you have questions - always feel free to get in touch and let me know what’s coming up for you!
P.P.S. Know someone who would enjoy reading this newsletter? Feel free to share!
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