Newsletter 14: Going with my gut.
IN THIS NEWSLETTER…
10 years on, what a super important life decision taught me about how I want to make more of my decisions.
Tips for turning up the volume on your intuition.
Last opportunities to work together in 2023.
GOING WITH MY GUT.
The round metal cafe table had several rings of water on it from the iced tea I was nervously sipping. As I fidgeted with the straw, the knot in my stomach grew and did a few flips, just to remind me how anxious I was.
One of my closest friends in the world, Dawn, had just sat down across from me. We’d exchanged hugs and how-are-you’s, and I knew it was time for a convo I’d been putting off for longer than I’d even realised.
Cheery and unaware of my nerves, Dawn started chatting about all the normal things. I interrupted with the most dreaded words in the English language.
“So, we need to talk.” Realising how serious it sounded, I immediately let out a nervous laugh to let her know it wasn’t THAT bad.
She laughed in response, “Okaaaaaay....?”
I had a pit in my stomach because I wanted to tell one of my best friends in the world that I was making a decision that I was pretty sure she would not be super excited about. The backstory: I’d been casually dating a guy for a while, and he was ALL wrong for me. The ways in which this statement was true were plentiful. For the record, let me count the ways:
He was my boss’s boss. 😬
He had been separated for a long while but not yet officially divorced.
He had 4 kids.
He was moving to London.
He was 15 years older than me.
I was a single, child-free, ambitious professional woman in my early 30’s, recently and happily settled in Chicago. So yeah, on paper, it made ZERO sense.
Our dating had started out as a bit of (admittedly reckless) fun. And I was in need of fun at the time. During the course of this fun, I’d had several chats with Dawn (and several other loyal, protective and loving girlfriends looking out for my best interests) about how it was JUST fun. I promised them (and myself) that I’d be keeping my options open and looking out for more suitable and appropriate love interests whilst having said fun. On several occasions, and completely from a place of love, Dawn had been openly wary of my latest dating choices, and super supportive of me keeping my options open.
I watched my fingers play with the condensation rings on the table between us, and simultaneously, I carried on.
“I know I’ve been talking about how NOT serious this thing with David is. And I’ve been telling myself that for a long time as well, because let’s face it, it makes no sense on so many levels.”
“Yeaaaah...??” a curious smirk spread across Dawn’s face as she awaited the punchline.
“Well, I guess I’m ready to admit that it IS serious. This is going somewhere. Somewhere important, I think.” Tears gathered and blurred my vision as I choked on the words, “And I need you to be on board.”
Barely a millisecond passed before she reached across the table for my hands and responded with, “Okay! You clearly know what you are doing, Joy. Consider me on board. Now, tell me everything!”
What I told her was that none of the facts had changed. David’s marital, employment and parental status, age and relocation plans were all the same as previously discussed. The only thing that had changed was a feeling. For the first I could ever remember, I felt calm and excited at the exact same time. And as batshit crazy as it sounded, I knew I wanted to follow that feeling.
Before I’d go on to follow that feeling across the pond and down the aisle, I’d need to have a similar conversation with at least a dozen other important people in my life. I started to notice that each time I honoured that feeling, each time I was honest about it with myself and others, a huge sense of relief washed over me. It felt strange to follow my gut over my brain, but it in a GOOD way. So no matter how much I worried about being judged for this decision, I went with it.
Looking back, I can’t think of a decision I’m more proud of. And not just because to say that it worked out well would be the understatement of the century. 💕 Also because by making that decision, I chose to honour an inner knowing, a connection to Self, when I could have easily chosen to honour a fear of disapproval or disappointment.
10 years, all thanks to my gut. 💜
The reason I’m sharing this story right now is that David and I just celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary, and that milestone has me reflecting a LOT. Not only on the bonkers beautiful life we’ve built together, but the decisions that made it possible. The fact that the single most-influential decision in creating the love, adventure and joy of the last decade of my life was made by my gut, some inner-knowing, my intuition - and not my brain - it’s completely astonishing and mind-blowingly obvious to me at the same time.
I don’t have a ton of examples where my intuition has knowingly played a key role in my decision-making. And this makes a lot of sense because like most of us, I’ve been trained my whole life to rely heavily on my analytical brain. But the examples I do have are all profoundly meaningful - not least of all, my decision to become a coach was a deeply intuitive choice. (And has also paid off in ways I could have never imagined.)
All of those reflections got me wondering: What would happen if I listened to my intuition more closely and more often? Not just in matters of love, but in the million decisions - big and small, work and personal - that I make all day long?
Right after I scribbled the question above into my notebook, the following answers flowed effortlessly out of my hand and into the ink on the page in front of me (and I’m taking that as my intuition talking)...
You wouldn’t over-work or strive for perfection.
You’d take care of yourself.
You’d feel more at ease and lead with greater confidence.
You’d feel calm and excited at the same time.
Not to toot my own intuition’s horn, but she sounds pretty wise. Yeah, I think it’s probably worth at LEAST letting her have more of a say going forward. I’ll let you know how it goes.
CURIOSITY PROMPTS
The next time you are feeling a little (or a lot) stuck, why not give your brain a power-nap by checking in with your intuition to see what she has to say. Follow the steps below to make sure you are hearing her loud and clear.
As with any exercise in curiosity, reconnecting with your Self is a brilliant first step. This could be as simple as a few cleansing breaths and stretches or perhaps a walk where you go out of your way to feel your feet connect with the ground. If you are feeling deeply anxious, it may require a more active approach to regulating your nervous system - some jumping jacks or a HIIT session. You could even ask your intuition at this point: ‘What does my body need right now?’ Do that thing.
Once you are feeling more grounded (even just a bit), ask yourself one or all of the following questions.
What will serve my highest good?
What feels right in my body?
What thought or idea, however unpolished or ‘out there’ is arising?
TIP: Having a record of what comes to mind immediately when feeling into these questions can be hugely insightful. So try writing the questions and answers down. Or, if out on a walk, talking to yourself via voice memo. (Go on, people will just think you are on the phone!)
A common question that comes up when trying to give intuition a bigger voice is How do I know if it’s my intuition or plain old fear talking? Good news: the two tend to look, sound and feel quite different if you take a moment to observe. Here are some rules of thumb on how to recognise each:
💪FEAR💥: a pushing energy, avoiding disappointment or disapproval, unsettled, constricting, a loud inner critic.
✨INTUITION💕: a pulling energy, calmness, trust, growth-oriented, expansive and open.
Act. (Or not.) Once you’ve identified which part of you are hearing from, you get to choose how you want to proceed. If you are hearing fear, do you want to follow that or simply acknowledge it for now and give your intuition another chance to speak up as well? If your intuition is coming through, do you want to simply listen? Do you want to act on it? No wrong answers here, just conscious choices.
STILL CURIOUS? (BONUS CONTENT)
One of my favourite books in recent memory is ‘I May Be Wrong’ by the Swedish speaker and meditation teacher, Bjorn Natthiko Lindeblad. Bjorn’s storytelling conveys a depth of wisdom he gained during his time as a forest monk in the jungles of Thailand. Nearly all of this wisdom is related in one way or another to connecting with one’s Self. And this book is where I first read this little nugget:
‘The rational mind is a servant. The intuitive mind is a sacred gift. We have created a society that honours the servant and has forgotten the gift.’ - Albert Einstein
WORK WITH ME
Coaching: Tapping into intuition is one of many powerful tools and approaches I use when helping high-performing leaders to hone their authentic leadership style and to write the next brilliant chapter of work and life. I have capacity for only four new 1-to-1 coaching partnerships this side of 2024. (Can you believe we’re talking 2024 already?!) So, if you are curious about what working together might look like and lead to, don’t hesitate to book a Curiosity Call ASAP so that we can get to know one another better and determine if we’d be a good fit.
Speaking: Tapping into your intuition is simply a form of trusting yourself. And trust is a topic that I’ve become a bit obsessed with as of late. I truly believe that it is the most under-leveraged and misunderstood leadership quality out there and I’ve started taking this message on the road. If you are looking for a high-energy speaker with insightful messages and practical strategies for your next event, you can check out my signature talk tracks here. I’m currently taking bookings for Q4 and beyond and you can enquire about my availability here.
In all curiousness,
Joy
P.S. If/when the spirit ever moves you or you have questions - always feel free to get in touch and let me know what’s coming up for you!
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