Know what you need.
It was early January and instead of being in wet, grey London, I was on the gorgeous tropical island of St. Lucia. A warm, colourful and beautiful setting. A top-five destination world-wide for honeymooners, in fact. AND…to say that my mood did not match my surroundings would be a massive understatement.
I was feeling overwhelmed and frustrated. As part of the crew that would set sail around the world in just 3 days, I felt the pressure mounting as we completed our preparations. There were so many tasks on the list, all of which seemed equally important. Last minute repairs, provisioning food for 7 people for at least 5 days at sea, safety checks, chasing up missing luggage, school lessons and general entertainment for Elliot… the list went on and on. And as the co-owner of the boat that would safely make that dream possible, I was fielding lots of questions, many of which I wasn’t sure I knew how to answer. AND, we had a bunch of people living together in a very small space - our boat.
Everything felt chaotic and a bit claustrophobic. Everything felt hard. Even things that ‘should’ have been easy. And that’s not a space I tend to thrive in. I found myself being quite short with my fellow crew. Getting frustrated with others when really, I was frustrated with myself. I wasn’t proud of myself or my reactions, and yet I had no clue how to change, or even what to change - me, the situation, the people around me - in order to make it better!
As the days passed and pressure mounted, I started to really worry. What truly scared the crap out of me was the fact that we hadn’t left the dock yet! Don’t we at least get a honeymoon period?! And then came the guilt - how dare I not be enjoying myself, this experience is such a privilege and something I’ve always wanted and I’m in such a beautiful place!
And so I did the only thing I could think of - I vented. Via voicenote, to some far away girlfriends, I spilled my guts. And because I have some truly amazing friends, their replies were quick and heartfelt. They all assured me of how normal it was for me to be feeling this way. And I found it fascinating that they were able to so easily draw parallels of what I was experiencing to their own (land-based) lives. Reading in between the lines of their replies, I could hear their needs loud and clear. Energy, clarity, direction, momentum, rest. It was obvious to me the needs that they had that were not currently being met and that was resulting in similar feelings of frustration, overwhelm and exhaustion.
And then one friend in particular asked me point blank: What do you need that you aren’t getting right now?
The question made me pause and the answer that eventually came to me was: SPACE. And I’ve got to tell you that this answer terrified me, because I was about to get on a sailboat with 6 other people for a year and a half. The odds were stacked against me getting a ton of space. I knew that if I was going to create space for myself, I would need to get creative, maybe even redefine what it looked like. I would need to keep my eyes peeled for opportunities. And I would need to be clear with myself about what a priority this was.
In the days following,
I got up early to go for a walk, without inviting anyone along.
I slipped off the boat and to a cafe to do some schoolwork with just Elliot.
I did yoga or strength training early in the morning before many were even up.
I went into my cabin for some time on my own and watched some serious low-brow TV.
This all amounted to less than 3 hours that I invested in myself over the course of 3 days. And the result was tangible. I felt myself physcially decompress. I accessed a completely different level of energy, clarity and calmness. I started to show up as the leader and teammate I know myself to truly be. Most importantly, I started to have FUN.
It’s been over two weeks since we originally set sail and during that time, I of course occasionally found myself feeling overwhelmed or frustrated. But because of what I’d learned on land prior to our departure, I could ask myself: What do I need right now? And go from there.
When I needed energy, I instigated a full crew plank challenge.
When I needed space, I put my headphones in. (My crew mates know that this is the signal for ‘Alone time please, unless its important.’)
When I needed rest, I prioritised it, rather than leaving it for when absolutely everything was done.
And one that I’m still working on - when I need help, I ask for it!
Now, nearly 2 weeks later, I sit on the deck typing into my laptop, with the most idyllic island and crystal clear waters as my backdrop. It’s surreal to be here.
I would have gotten here to this very location regardless of whether or not I paid attention to what I needed. But I wouldn’t have been as present for the journey. I wouldn’t have been the crew member or leader I can be proud of. And critically, I wouldn’t have found the journey nearly as much fun.
CURIOSITY PROMPTS
If you are up for it, join me in making a habit out of knowing what you need and acting on it. The next time you are feeling worried, frustrated, overwhelmed, angry or all of the above, try these questions on for size:
What do I need that I’m not getting right now?
How can I give myself just a little bit of that right now? Today? This week? (I invite you to get creative here and to remember that a little goes a long way!)
BONUS CONTENT
Having trouble discerning what exactly you need most right now? That’s really common. Which is why I created a tool to support leaders to find the headspace and time they need to generate clarity on next steps. Check it out!
WRITE YOUR NEXT CHAPTER
My work as a Leadership Coach continues from the high seas! If you are thinking about how to write your next chapter, feel free to check out ways to partner with me HERE.
In all curiousness,
Joy
P.S. If/when the spirit ever moves you or you have questions - always feel free to get in touch and let me know what’s coming up for you!
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