In Search of Unflappable Bossing-It Energy.
‘We just want to say, we really love your unflappable girl-boss energy.’
My friend Ashley laughed as she read this line to me - it was part of an email from two women she’d gotten to know quite well over the last year - her literary agents. She had received it after a pretty thorough round of suggestions they’d taken her through on the book she’s writing. We both laughed at the phrasing they used, tagging it #UGBE…and then retagging it #UBIE (Unflappable Bossing It Energy) because we are both not huge fans of the term ‘girl-boss’.
Questionable phrasing aside, I was immediately intrigued. I’m in a professional season where I’m doing new things and putting myself out there a bit more. This is requiring me to receive feedback pretty routinely, and I’ve notice some…ahem, *discomfort* around that process to say the very least.
It occurred to me that as a professional writer, Ashley was in the firing line of feedback really often - and by the sounds of it, she was really good at taking it. Her job is essentially to continuously pour her precious energy into her work. But the job doesn’t end there. That work is continuously being critiqued and pushed to improve. And so the second part of her job is to take that feedback, and make her work even better.
So when she shared this line from her agents with me - really as a funny anecdote - my response was probably unexpected. I immediately became almost aggressively curious with her. (Sorry, Ash!)
‘How do you do it? How do you put so much of yourself into your work and then be ‘unflappable’ in the face of critique? What about YOU makes that work? Where did you learn this sorcery?’ I asked all of these questions and more in rapid succession, and Ashley was thoughtful and generous in her answers. I came away from this conversation (and a subsequent series of WhatsApp messages) with four factors that make this superpower possible for Ashley, and I have a sneaking suspicion they’ll work for all of us. Bonus, I’ve made them all start with S, so you’re welcome for that.
Where to from here? Well, me and my #UBIE are heading into production of Progress with Purpose - A 6-week online course designed to support emerging female leaders to gain control, ease and the clear next steps they need in order to own the next chapter of their careers. Bring on the feedback as I build and launch! If this sounds like something you’d be interested in, click below and I’ll make sure you are the first to receive notice of enrolment opening in the spring.
CURIOSITY PROMPTS
The next time you receive feedback and it really bothers you, try these questions on for size:
What did you take the feedback to mean about YOU?
How true is that interpretation?
WORK WITH ME
In addition to the course, I’m still taking on 1-to-1 coaching clients for the next few months. (After that, there are some big changes ahead, stay tuned for more on that.) So if you are wondering if a coaching partnership might be just what you need, now is a great time to get in touch and we’ll have a chat. We’ll either conclude that we are a good fit, or I’ll share some resources/ideas of where you might find the support you need.
In all curiousness,
Joy
P.S. I highly recommend following @byashleychalmers on Instagram for her decor & design writing, book reccos and more! 💜
P.P.S. If/when the spirit ever moves you or you have questions - always feel free to get in touch and let me know what’s coming up for you!
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