Newsletter 16: Big List Energy
IN THIS NEWSLETTER…
BIG life dreaming and OLD habits dying hard.
Last call for coaching partnerships kicking-off in January.
BIG LIST ENERGY
Some of you are aware, I’ve got some BIG ‘life dream’ stuff coming up.
My family and I will sail across the Atlantic Ocean in a few weeks’ time. This project has been in the works now for nearly three years, and it now finally feels close enough to touch. Close enough for it to feel real. Practically speaking, this means it’s close enough for me to respond to that ‘realness’ by compiling several lists designed to ensure I will not forget *anything* in my quest to be 1000% prepared for *anything* as we embark on this adventure.
And yes, in my mind, that effort, it requires LISTS, plural. And yes, I do have a List of my Lists, thank you very much. And I keep adding to my lists and creating new lists because - the more I have to keep track of, the better chance of doing this adventure ‘right’, right?!
Last night, I sat on my bedroom floor in the midst of the physical manifestation of just some of these lists. I surveyed the carefully stacked piles of categorized items around me, all of them patiently awaiting being packed into our sailing duffel bags. With everything from a jar cranberry sauce for Thanksgiving dinner to extra reading material surrounding me, I scanned the blueprints for these piles – the lists – and wondered, ‘What am I missing?’ As I tortured myself with this question for the millionth time, I couldn’t help but notice that all of this preparation…was not making me particularly happy.
The lists, they help me to have tiny moments where I can believe that I am in control. The real truth though? I am not. I’m about to do something full of uncertainty and unknown. It’s something I’ve never done before, something that is not without risks, and an experience that without question will have experiences within it that feel high and low. No list can change that.
It's not lost on me that this belief - that I can prepare my way through anything - is what I used to tap into whenever approaching any big opportunity in my life. Be it a job interview, stepping into a big promotion or new role (including motherhood), or maybe a high-visibility moment like a speaking engagement or big client meeting. It’s well-documented that I used to rely a LOT on my Control All The Things Strategy (CATTS).
But over the years, I moved into a new baseline mode of operation. One where I can acknowledge my fears, focus on the present, and (largely) feel calm and in flow, even in the face of uncertainty.
YET, here I am. In a moment where I’m grasping at every available shred of control, and as a result, feeling drained and disconnected to so much of what is truly important to me.
What I’m grateful to NOT have anymore, is judgement on myself for being here. THAT particular heaviness is gone because I now liken my attempts to ‘Control All The Things’ to a heavy piece of furniture that I removed because it just wasn’t working in the room anymore. It’s left behind a dent in the carpet. But because I’ve already done the heavy lifting, when I notice that I’m trying to lean on a chair that is no longer there, I can laugh at myself and move freely, right past where it used to be.
So, I find myself writing down a question that has proven extremely thought-provoking in countless conversations in recent weeks:
What are you unwilling to tolerate any longer?
What comes back: Control at the expense of happiness.
I realise that I can try to control every detail, OR I can be happy. The two do not coexist for me, so which do I choose?
Will I bin the lists? Ha, let’s not get carried away.
But at the top of that ‘List of Lists’, I’m writing: TRUST.
Which means that in addition to extra rations of peanut butter and sunscreen, I’m packing:
- A Trust in me. That I’ve already got everything it takes within me to enjoy the highs and lows of this experience.
- A Trust in my crew. To navigate the highs and lows together.
- A Trust in the process. That is, to understand that if we run out of peanut butter, maybe it was meant to be.
CURIOSITY PROMPTS
The next time you are thinking that you have little to no choice in the matter. Or that you tried it but it didn’t work. Or for whatever reason you are feeling anxious, overwhelmed, fearful, doubtful or worried. Sit (or walk or journal – you do you) with this question:
What am I unwilling to tolerate any longer?
With this question, you might just find the power you need to carve out a slightly more productive perspective on the current situation. Or maybe even the next step you want to take towards a situation you’d prefer.
STILL CURIOUS? (BONUS CONTENT)
I came across this image while reading author Elizabeth Gilbert’s substack, “Letters from Love” (which I highly recommend). A Truthbomb if there ever was one.
WORK WITH ME
As I’ll soon be on a sailboat for the remainder of the year, I won’t be kicking-off new 1-to-1 coaching partnerships until January. A few spots remain for January and a few days remain to be able to secure one of those spots at 2023 pricing (savings of over £1000). So quickly click below if you are curious, and we’ll have a chat to see if we click.
In all curiousness,
Joy
P.S. If/when the spirit ever moves you or you have questions - always feel free to get in touch and let me know what’s coming up for you!
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